all happening.i really didn't expect things to come together as well as they have. i've been accepted to the film conservatory at SUNY purchase, as well as several other schools. i am superduperincredibly excited about purchase. only 20 students get accepted and needless to say it's a wonderful opportunity to be one them. i am 99% sure i will be attending purchase, not pratt, in the fall.
i literally cannot wait. everyday i wish it were the end of august already. but, at the same time, it is a bit scary to think about leaving my entire life and all of the comforts i have grown accustomed to. i am turning eighteen in five days, it's certainly a date i've marked in my mind for years, anticipated endlessly through all my angsty teenage spats. but it also means a drastic change. it means responsibility, no one to pick up the pieces when i fuck my life up beyond repair. at the same time, i look forward to picking up my own pieces, or not having any pieces to pick up... this metaphor has gone too far, now it's just confusing.
i just want to hold on to the sentiment i have in my head and in my heart at this very moment. the feeling of accomplishment, the feeling that all that "maintenance" has paid off. in a matter of months, all of the things i ached for throughout my high school experience have come to fruition. life may not be perfect, but i've gotten what i've asked for, and honestly, what more that that could i want?
now, the idea is just to stay on track. which, for me, at least, is not a simple task. but, i'm committed to the future i have built for myself. i know what i want, and i am not going to let my emotions get in the way of that. i don't need to runaway anymore, and i suppose that's the best resolution i've gotten from high school so far.
tomorrow is my 900 days free of self-injury.
peace, thanks and love to all who made it possible. i owe all that i am to you.
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